Update 4: Quarters

Hello, all! Time for another round of updates from Nessa.
This week..lemme see...um...did homework...um...slept...wow, my life is boring Oh wait! Last week I went over to my friends house and played games! that was fun! Oh! and I helped make a music video with my friends. :) that should be good. Oh! And I played just dance 2 with some boys and we had a follow-up with smash bros...which i beat the boys at. :)
Well, besides the boring parts....y'know, I'm trying NOT to have a boring college life, but people don't seem to realize that I'd love to get out and fun. But then again, I feel bad for intruding on others lives.


So, I did laundry yesterday, and it was weird. I was using quarters, like this was a vending machine or something. And then I realized the disporprotionate ammount of quarters I have to the ammount of laundy I need to do. Where do you get a roll of quarters anyways?


Being lonely is a very strange emotion. The truth is, you aren't alone when you feel lonely. You feel lonely when you're surrounded by people...yet you feel like no one cares about you. And even though i know I'm never alone, I still feel it. but I'm grateful for a roomie who is willing to listen to me. About anything and everything.
Yet...


Yet i miss being with my old roomies. Just because I viewed us as friends first and foremorst, roommates seocond. But when I see them...I feel like they've forgotten about me. Like I was just a person who happened to be there for seven months. I see them having fun, without me, and it hurts a little. Because to me, it means they don't care enough to invite me over for anything. They don't care about me anymore. While I know that may not be the case, that's how if feels to me. And it's very hard to deal with sometimes. I was willing to be there for them, because they were willing to be there for me...at least, I thought they were.


It was one of my favorite things about last year, was that we did so much together. It was so much fun. And, for the first time, I felt like I was grown-up. Like I was important, my opinions mattered, and that I was treated as an equal, not an inferior.
Of course, it was too good to last, and I was treated less than an equal and more of just...I don't know. It wasn't very fun though. I trusted them so much. I trusted that they would be there for me just as I was for them. But I felt unneeded, unwanted. And why? I still don't know. Only they know, and even then, I doubt the answer would satsify my wounded heart. While I hate to use strong words, they betrayed my trust. I cared more about them than they cared about me. Is it true? I don't know. From my perspective, yes, yes it is. Too bad for them.


I hope though, I can move past this and feel better about things. Because being negative is not part of Nessa criteria.