Hero

How am I supposed to be the hero of my own story when I don't have the guts to try?


I have many heroes: Link, Mario, Aang, Korra, Harry, Luke, Obi-Wan, Legolas, Jack Sparrow (excuse me, Captain Jack Sparrow), the list goes on. All of them have a purpose: to teach, to save the world/princess, etc. And, eventually, they accomplish just that. It doesn't matter what gets in their way, they find away around it, through it, and move on.


And then there's me who gets roadblocks and just sits there, staring blankly at the wall that's appeared before me. "Brick walls are there for a reason: they let us prove how badly we want things." Trouble is, i don't know what's beyond the brick wall. What treasures or adventures lie beyond it. And I'm scared to move on because I don't know what's on the other side. What if it's something horrible, something I regret? But what if it's something wonderful? Something I've always wanted?


With my heroes, it doesn't matter what's on the other side. They shatter that wall like glass and plow forward in their adventure. They're determined. They have someone or something to save. And by golly, they're going to do it. And then there's me who's decidedly...not. I have nothing or no one to save. I have no grand purpose. I'm not a chosen hero. I'm just a plain, ordinary girl. There will be no grand call to adventure for me. I will not be placed in a life or death situation. I will not be called on to save the day. Because the day never needs saving. No one needs me to swoop in at the last second.


They never mention how when those moments occur, how it really feels. How it's either fight or flight. How you have to think spur of the moment, and every second counts. How, afterwards, you never want to experience that feeling again. How you just want to crawl under a blanket and hide. They make it seem like it's a glorious thrill ride, appealing even. They don't explain how your brain locks up in the fight or flight position. and it's not going to go anywhere until the moment has passed.


Heroes don't get that. They slap on their "grr" face, whip out their swords or general awesomeness and tear into the bad guy. I don't have a bad guy. Just me. And I'm not awesome. I don't have a fiery personality. I don't have anything to bring to the heroic table. I have nothing.


What good is a useless hero?